Now and then the testimony is needed to share with others around you, those that have no idea of what you been through and how you made it. This upcoming month is Domestic Violence Awareness and I am here to share my testimony with those who feel they can’t walk away or let go.

 I recall thinking I wasn’t enough to let go, that a marriage wasn’t meant to end. Over time I became so useless and helpless to my kids as well as myself. I questioned God on my choices as a mother, woman, and someone’s daughter. When will enough be enough? What physical or verbal altercation would be the last? Would I make it out tonight dead or live?

Everyone says when you sick and tired you will walk away. Sometimes it’s not that easy. When God see you have made up in your mind you ready to go, there will be no going back or apologies to try to keep you hostage. When the bruises no longer can be covered you realize this is enough. All those family outings you missed because you know longer looked like your beautiful self, oh yes that’s when you know it’s enough.

You can’t call on God to come to rescue you, and you’re not ready to be saved. You must know you deserve more, you deserve to be loved, free of harm. I had to call on God. Sometimes I called, and my Father answered, but I wasn’t ready. I returned. I played this game back and forth for years with God, yelling, pleading, begging that I was ready. Still, I was not.

 I remember watching my younger children waiting behind closed doors as I tried to pick myself up off the floor to gain control of a bleeding wound. I started my pleading with God again. He answered back by showing me the light. This light shined so brightly in my face that it scared me. It was as if the sun was leading me down a road to be free. Sitting there deciding if I was going to take the chance to run or stay. I ran.

I am 12 years free from domestic violence. I suffered from the mental, physical, and verbal abuse. If it wasn’t for Father God staying by me and answering each time I could have been dead. If it wasn’t for me realizing this is too much and having lost so much; there could be death. My two children were starting to suffer all because I couldn’t find the strength in me to love myself and them. When I ran, I never looked back. I have had to shout numerous of days saying, GOD, you saved me. I was tired of lying to those who loved me about my life. Tired of making excuses for someone else bad actions. I needed to be free. I thank God.

Walk away. If you can’t, see the light at the end step out and run away it’s there waiting to save you. It kept me, and it can protect you.

 Love you

National Domestic Violence Hotline

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